One night I chugged a fifth of Johnny Walker Black then crawled on my hands and knees to the nearest pub. Opening the door to the pub was a little tricky while on hands and knees, yet through determination and resilience, I managed to complete the task. The funny looks I received from the patrons and bartenders inside the pub made me feel a little bashful at first but they knew what I was doing. Or so I thought they did. They did know, didn't they?
It wasn't until one of the bartenders asked me what the f@ck I was doing on the floor that I realized they really didn't know what I was doing. I informed everyone that was doing a pub crawl. I mean duh?? What did they think I was doing?
Needless to say, to my surprise and embarrassment, I discovered I was doing the whole pub crawl thing totally wrong. I was so pissed too when I found this out. My hands and knees were all scrapped and bleeding, filthy from the disgusting sidewalks I had crawled upon. There is some pretty sick stuff on sidewalks. I mean really gross, sick, disgusting, vile, filthy stuff.
You know what, I can't even talk about it. I suppressed those memories way into the depths of my mind and threw away the key. I can't go back there. Not ever.
Just kidding, I didn't do that. There is not enough alcohol on the planet to make me smashed enough to crawl on hands and knees on any sidewalk in my town. However, I did dress up like a zombie princess and terrorized Market Street Square in Wilkes Barre, PA a few years back with Becky, Megan and Jeff. It was great.
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Zombie High Homecoming Court 2012 |
We stumbled around, throwing ourselves onto storefront windows, scaring the shit out of patrons while moaning about wanting to eat their brains. I mean, who wouldn't enjoy something like that? In fact, the diners and staff at the Thai restaurant located in the square aptly named "Thai Thai", were actually really good sports about it. They were laughing and cheering as we made a mucky, smeary mess on their huge picture window with our fake blood and zombie make up. I felt a little bad about it at first, but then I didn't. It was great fun and they were enjoying the show as much as we, the performers, were enjoying being zombies.
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Spooky window clings at Bert and Ernie's. |
But let's dial it back a bit! Our zombie pub crawl started at bar named Bart and Urby's. I know, it kinda of sounds like Bert and Ernie's. But, when you think about it, it's not even close. Maybe I am the only one who associated Bert and Ernie with Bart and Urby's when I first heard the name of the establishment. That wouldn't shock me at all to be honest.
Anyway, Bart and Urby's was Zombie headquarters. It was a no kill shelter where sheriffs and guys named Glen and Darryl couldn't hurt us. We were free to roam about and mingle with our fellow brothers and sisters of the undead persuasion. We admired each others blood spattered faces and raggedy clothes. We broke bread with cleverly named Zombies concoctions and gooey mozzarella cheese sticks. Yes, Zombies do enjoy fried cheese!
From Bart and Urby's our zombie crew plodded through the town square towards our next stop on the crawl, a pub named Senuna's. The mood was a mix of 28 Days Later meets World War Z meets Zombieland meets Shaun of the Dead. There were fast zombies. There were slow zombies. There were zombies with foggy eyes and Twinkie fetishes. There were zombies that liked to drink beer and play video games. There was even a British Zombie all the way from the UK.
Actually, it was just me talking in a British accent but I believe I was believable. I could have been from the UK. No one knows. Not even me.
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Look at this pretty zombie princess. She will bite a mofo though! |
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The Zombie King. His nose is bleeding. |
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The Queen keeping her princess in line with a few bites! |
At Senuna's we enjoyed Zombie Punch served in Mason jars. It was green, rather tasty and not at all made from brains. It was very refreshing after crawling through Market Street Square scaring the hell out of complete strangers. Ok. I am exaggerating. The strangers weren't really scared. They were laughing at us, which is good. We were a fun and funny group.
I had the opportunity to meet Jason Voorhees at Senuna's. He's actually a really nice person once you get to know him. And who doesn't love a momma's boy right? Miss America was there too. She looked amazing and not at all bloody. As for my group, we were kinda like the undead homecoming court of Zombie High. It was pretty cool. I wasn't on the Homecoming Court in high school but I was so much on the Homecoming Court for the zombie high school I just made up. See, dreams can come true if you only believe.
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What a blast! |
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Zombie Punch- Delicious!! |
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Mr. Vorhees aka Jason aka Mamma's Precious Little Boy |
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This guy and his wife were so awesome! |
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Our Zombie Homecoming King Jeff! |
From Senuna's our Zombie brigade crept towards our next stop in the square, a bar called Rodano's. The atmosphere as we did our crawl was so awesome. We were with a fun loving, zombie digging, Halloween celebrating group of people. There was no drama. We were all having a complete blast enjoying the season for a great cause.....animals! The proceeds from the crawl were going to the Luzerne County SPCA and the Luzerne County Avail-A- Bullies Rescue. How awesome!!
By the time we got to Rodano's we were all feeling pretty good. The laughs were plenty, the drinks were flowing and the make up was slowly wearing off. Then I noticed a celebrity sitting at the bar. I screamed as soon as I saw him. I could not believe my eyes. Were they playing tricks on me? Could this really be real I thought. Becky suggested I go over and say hi to him just to make sure it was really him. So I did.
I mean, it's not everyday that you get a chance to meet The Count from Sesame Street.
The Count was very nice and cordial. I wanted very much to impress him so I began showing off my mad counting skills. I counted to three. I counted to five. I counted to seven. I even counted backwards to three again. He seemed to be very impressed with my numerical knowledge. I was pretty impressed with myself too. Why wouldn't I be? And, he didn't even seem too annoyed when I kept going "Ah Ah Ahhhh." What a nice fella! Vampires are people too.
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I was so starstruck!!! |
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The Queen Meg. Off with my head! |
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Amazing Zombie Representation! |
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Me and Jilly Bean Zombie! |
Eventually I made my way back to the Zombie Homecoming Court, super happy that I got to meet a childhood hero. I am not gonna lie, I pretty much kept doing the Count laugh the whole time we were at Rodano's even though I didn't mean too. It couldn't be helped. Thankfully Megan chopped my head off and I stopped going "Ah Ah Ahhhh."
From Rodano's, we made our way back to Bert and Ernie's for the wrap up party and awards. There were some really amazing zombie get ups in our brigade so I envied the judges that had to decide who should win. It couldn't have been easy to pick the winner. Also, in addition to super cool zombie outfits and scary monster costumes, we saw some absolutely brilliant, non scary costume ideas as well. I loved one costume so much that I am actually thinking of using it for myself in the upcoming years.
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I love this costume idea. I am going to buy a bunch of stuffed puppies and give them out for Halloween one year. |
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She was so great!! |
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The stunning Miss America and her boyfriend. He was runner up! Good man and good sport! |
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This adorable couple did win an award. They deserved it! |
This was my first time doing a pub crawl and it was a total blast for many reasons.
1. We got to play dress up. Who doesn't love dressing up once in awhile?
2. We got to act like zombies the whole time. How is that not fun?
3. The zombie brigade we were crawling with, were downright awesome! Great people!
4. We helped raise money for animals! Having fun while doing good for our sweet, furry buddies was so outstanding!
5. It was something different from just going out and hanging at the bar. I liked that!
In closing, if you have a chance to participate in a pub crawl, give it a go. There are many different types of crawls out there and a lot of them are geared towards charitable causes. And if there isn't one in your area, why not have a pub crawl with a group of friends and do a theme or have scavenger hunt. Get creative!
Veni Vidi Vici!
Chrissy
Zombie Recipes!!!!
So much better than brains!
Zombie Punch With No Alcohol For Kiddos and Non Drinkers
Goosebumps Punch
Bloody Zombie Cocktail
Zombie Slime Shooter
Midori Halloween Harvest Punch
Vampire Punch
Demon Juice
Spooky Halloween Cocktails from Cosmo