A Free Spirit's Bucket List: # 354 Attend A White Elephant Party

Happy Birthday Jesus! I wrapped it myself. LOL!

Have you ever attended a White Elephant party around the holidays? If not, I highly recommend you do. You can even start the tradition among friends and family and host one yourself. I promise, you will not be sorry! They are a total riot. A White Elephant Party is a perfect way to take a step back from some of the stress the holidays conjure so you can laugh your ass off and make a complete fool of yourself with those nearest and dearest to you. It's a perfect way to chill out while spending quality time with your favs around the holidays.

So what is a White Elephant Party you ask? Allow me to explain.

In it's simplest form, a White Elephant Party is a gift exchange party. And while there are many variations and themes that can be implemented into a White Elephant Party depending on preference and tradition, there is one basic, universal rule that must be followed for it to be a true White Elephant Party. That one rule is, no one is allowed to spend money on their gift.

But if you can't spend any money, what are you supposed to give as a gift then? Oh kids....This is where the real fun begins. Grab a box, put on some Christmas music, pour your favorite adult beverage and get ready to clean house. Trust me, you will thoroughly enjoy this chore.

What's in the box? What's in the boooooooxxxxxx?

Let's start in the kitchen. That 7 year old jar of salsa collecting dust in the top shelf of your cabinet would make a great gift. Let's put that in the box. While we are at it, let's put all the mismatched tupperware in the box as well. Oh look, some used birthday cake candles. Maybe someone can use a #7 and #8 candle. Someone out there is going to be turning 78 or 87 right? Too bad the #9 candle is no longer there but 789 ya know. Very tragic.

Moving on to the living room. That burnt umber and avocado green afghan your neighbor made 40 years ago would be the perfect gift to give. I mean it's vintage right? Put it in the box. Why not throw in some more vintage items too. A VHS tape of the cult classic "9 1/2 Weeks" and some framed pictures of you and your ex can be like a really weird Netflix and chill gift for the lucky recipient.

Time to visit the bathroom. That big bottle of specialty vitamins that gives you insane gas is still in the medicine cabinet. Box it! Someone may also appreciate the half used bottle of Nexus Voluminizing conditioner you wanted so much to love but did not. Toss that puppy in there as well. Throw that Dollar Store pack of panty liners in there too. F@ck it.

Channeling my inner Ziggy Stardust

In the bedroom the possibilities truly become endless. 7 inch heeled glitter disco boots reminiscent of 1970's Kiss concerts and Ziggy Stardust would make a fun and fabulous gift. In the box they go. That white fur trimmed Santa nightie could turn any cookie into cream. Box it. Teal and Yellow nail polishes. Box it. The full bottle of old lady perfume that smells like musk, talcum powder and flounder, someone may like it. I think? Toss it in the box.....gently though because if that bottle breaks, you are going to have to move to a new house.

The attic treasures are true gift giving gems. Broken Christmas ornaments, blue plastic flowers, creepy clown dolls (which should be burned), and a years worth of Field and Stream magazines from 1983 fit so nicely in the box. And you know someone is going to absolutely adore the box of 15 year old, engraved, rosy pink napkins from your wedding. Let's throw in a box of engraved matchbooks from your wedding too. Why not? Tis the season of giving. (Let's just hope their marriage turns out better than yours.) Laugh out loud.

Down to the basement we go. That woven Baja hoodie that smells of must and weed hanging from the rafter, someone needs that in their life for sure. Toss it in the box. Someone also needs a half used can of gold spray paint and some rusty Philip head screwdrivers in their life too. And a tape measure. Hello box.

Finally we make our way to the car trunk. Oh look, a nice little lunch tote. Let's open it. Oh look, it's the remnants of a lunch I ate 9 months ago turning the most beautiful shade of blue in the tupperware container. Let's......throw it in the box. Make sure to wrap it in 100 plastic bags first because you did notice a slight odor emanating through the container. Just a slight one.

( Seriously though, You can't make this shit up. Someone really received this as a part of their gift one year. It wasn't me but it was hilarious nonetheless. I did get a 7 year old jar of salsa though. LMAO!!)

Lunch bag complete with used lunch! LOL!

Oh the laughs!!! Don't get me wrong, it is perfectly acceptable to give nice things as well. Sometimes we purchase or receive very nice things that we just can't use as much as we would like or don't really need after all. You know, those impulse purchases we tend to make....all the time. I have been the recipient of some really pretty and useful gifts to go with all the fun and wacky gifts in my White Elephant experiences. It's all about balance really. Mixing a can of crazy with some real treasures is always a pleasant experience.

The only other rule of the party I attend is that we draw numbers to choose gifts. The higher the number you draw, the better. Why? Because we are allowed to steal gifts from others. In other words, if you draw the number ten, and you are absolutely in love with the present that number 3 picked, you can steal her gift. She in turn gets to open another gift. No one has ever stolen a gift yet though. Most of the time if there is something someone else really wants and the gift recipient is not attached to it, she will just give it to the person.

(One year, Crystal gave me her sparkly 7 inch heeled Gene Simmons boots. I loved her so much for that. I was also the recipient of the Santa nightie. I love it and I still have it. )

The White Elephant party I have had the privilege of attending the past few years is so much fun. We laugh and eat and drink, then laugh and eat and drink some more. Our hosts have incorporated a cookie exchange into the party as well which is even more wonderful. For someone like me, that is like Christmas morning. I get presents and treats. I also get to laugh to the point of tears with some of my most favorite people on earth. That is the biggest gift of all.

Below are some of our finest White Elephant Party shenanigans and well as some links explaining about the parties and how to host one.