#508 Write Your Name In The Sand

Ahhhh! The Beach. Some people love it. Some people hate it.

I'm not gonna lie, up until maybe 8 years ago, I could care less if I made it to a beach or not. I didn't hate the beach, not at all, but it wasn't something I seriously yearned for like so many others do. If I had an opportunity to visit the beach, of course I enjoyed it. I enjoy all opportunities afforded to me. However now, I do find myself craving some beach time every year.

So, let's get to the purpose of this story. Let's talk about how cathartic it is to write your name in the sand. To many, this may seem like a silly Bucket List goal to have. It is a very simple one. Why would I add something so mundane to my list? I will explain why I added something so mundane to my Bucket List.

I added this mundane thing to my list because it is not at all mundane to me. Like I mentioned above, up until 8 years ago I didn't crave quality beach time like I do now. My love affair with the beach came about unexpectedly. You see, I have actually done some hard time in my life. No, I am not talking about prison, I am talking about the things life throws at me. Some of those things are very trying. Sometimes life hits me so hard that it actually hurts physically, while leaving scars and bruises and fissures along my soul.

It's part of being human. We have all felt that kind of blow at least once in our life. We all have scars and sad stories.

There comes a time though, if we are so lucky, that we hit mid life. ( I hate calling it middle age. It reminds me of bad British history. ) And, a significant part of hitting mid life is becoming cognizant of the culmination of everything you have experienced thus far in life, both good and bad. This day of reckoning hits you out of nowhere and the thoughts become resident in your mind. The culmination of life experiences often takes a toll on many of us by mid life.

Life doesn't always turn out as planned. Some of it is a complete blessing, while some of it can be seriously depressing. We all feel it in some aspect or another. It's a normal part of the whole aging process. And through it all, many of us remain strong in life. We may be tired and exhausted but we are still strong and resilient. I think the thing that separates the warriors from the rest of the pack is being honest with oneself. Knowing your limits, realizing when you need to step away for a few and recognizing your outlets for restoring and recharging your batteries are things warriors take seriously.

There is no benefit to pushing yourself too hard all of the time. You must take time for yourself, even if it is for a few moments. You have too. Sure, it's better to burn out then fade away, but do you wanna burn out in your 30's, 40's and 50's? Doubt it. I don't want to burn out in my 60's or 70's either.

8 years ago I was 36. I had more than my fair share of blessings and curses in my 36 years. Pondering life and reflecting on what I accomplished, figuring out what goals were still important to me and accepting that some of my goals would not be attained was part of the mid life "process" I was going through. Again, most of us go through it in our own way.

This pondering can cause clarity, focus, and determination but on the flip side it can also cause stress, anxiety and depression. Everything has a price tag attached to it. Some of those price tags have a cash value. Some of them have a time value. Some of them require you to compromise a part of your life. You have to figure out what you can and can not afford. You have to figure out what your are willing to spend and what you are willing to do without. Time is ticking louder and louder by the minute and hour.

So, there I was, at the beach thinking of all this mid life stuff, yet again. This stuff consumes me sometimes. I can and will admit that. Most days my mid life haunting is minor but some days it eats me alive. I know the stress and anxiety from "thinking and living" has taken years off my life. It is what it is. I have no choice but to accept that. But, I can still try to get some of those years back.

Anyways, it was at the beach 8 years ago where I realized I was feeling alright while thinking about all these things. I felt contented and strong. Eventually I stopped thinking and focused on enjoying the beauty around me. It dawned on me that there was so much surrounding me that was revitalizing and recharging my being.

The salty air was doing wonders for my breathing, my skin and my hair. The warm, soft sand under my feet was soothing 36 years of walking this earth. The sound of the waves crashing against the beach, all frothy and wild, was like a grown up lullaby for my racing mind. Wadding in the salty waters, allowing the waves to roll up on my calves, relieved 36 years of tension. I had discovered the beach was an incredible outlet for my crazy soul.

So, I wrote my name in the sand. I left a part of me on that sandy beach to be washed away with the tide, just like my worries. It was a lot of fun too. Something so simple, like writing in the sand, made something so complex, like my brain, feel so much better. Now, every time I visit a beach, I try to leave my mark in some written form. Sometimes it is my name, sometimes it is a date, and sometimes it is just a word I am feeling. And whether my mark gets washed away with the salty water, dusted away by the summer wind, or trodden upon by the fellow beach lover, the therapy of it all does not change.

I am now one of those fellow beach lovers who yearns for some quality time with one of natures most healing miracles. And sometimes I graffiti it with a stick. Cuz, that's how I roll. I'm bad ass and relaxed!


Chrissy

#129 Watch The Sun Set And Rise In One Day

Life has most of us running non stop. Life has many of us stressed out, tapped out and maxed out. And in the midst of life's chaotic whirlwind, we may find ourselves misplacing the person we once were, becoming another lost soul, another forgotten identity. We may not even realize just how much we have allowed ourselves to become absorbed into the atmosphere and abyss of our day to day lives. You may very well wake up one day and ask yourself "What the hell happened?" "Who the hell have I become?"

Not all Bucket List items have to be grand adventures, risky endeavors or elaborate travels. Sometimes we need to add goals to our lists that we may take for granted on a daily basis. Sometimes we need to add character building goals, enrichment goals and baby step goals to our lists. Sometimes we need to add reminders to our list. Reminders of who we truly are deep down inside. Reminders that call out to our souls, bringing us back to ourselves.

I understand some people are very Anti-Bucket List and that is all good. Different strokes for different folks. I understand some people do not write down their goals. Rather, they keep a mental list. I envy those people a little because sometimes I forget my own birth date. I have to write stuff down. Anyways, for me, this list is very close to my heart. This list is a necessity for my own well being. Will I accomplish all of it? Hell no. LOL! There is no way. I'm not a Millionaire. I'm not even a Hundred Thousandnaire. Not even close.

But, when the demons start filling my head and the light goes dim the end of the tunnel, which is something I will battle for the rest of my life, I look at this list and say hey, this little one right here, I can do this one. Let's get off our ass and do it. Let's create our own light in this dark tunnel. And you know what......it works. Don't get me wrong. I love my life and would not trade places with anyone for anything. I mean that too. The power of the blessings in my life will always overcome the power of my hardships, no matter how exhausted they make me.

I love the woman I have become. I am proud of her. I don't want to be anybody but her. Am I hard on her sometimes? Sure. I have to be. But I adore her too. And no matter how hard anyone tries, and they do try, I will never let someone make me feel bad about myself ever again. I'm too strong. I've been through too much. And, I survived it all, on my own. Once I figured out how to create my own light, I knew I was gonna be just fine. I know what to do now when the demons outstay their welcome. No one has to understand but me.

So here is where we start this one.

Sunrise. Sunset. Many of us have seen the sun set and rise a thousand times.

Many of us have taken the time to appreciate both of these magnificent events numerous times.

I know this. Every year hundreds upon hundreds of pictures of sunrises and sunsets fill my Facebook feed. And I love every single photo posted. These stunning photos fill me with warmth, positive vibes and hope for the human race. The beauty of these photos encourage pause in my day by interrupting the spinning of my brain for a few moments. Lord knows I am so grateful for those pauses.

Each photo breathes a calmness into me that is much needed. My life is not an easy one, never has been really, so I do make every effort to stop and smell the roses every opportunity I can. The little things in life are a huge part of who I am as a person. The challenges and hardships I face in this life will not defeat me as long as I have sweet, wonderful, little things to appreciate and enjoy. Yes, how I handle the challenges and hardships is also a huge part of who I am but the little things are a big reason why I am a happy person in spite of what this life throws at me.

People watch the sun set and the sun rise over a 24 hour period daily, especially in the winter. The purpose for adding this goal to my Bucket List was simple. I wanted to enjoy and admire both of these beautiful events within a 24 hour period to the fullest, rather than while driving to and from work. I wanted to leisurely witness the sun crawl under the blanket of the western horizon, then arise from the covers of the eastern horizon.

Sometimes I will fall asleep on one side of the bed, then wake up sprawled out diagonally across the bottom of the bed completely opposite from where I first fell asleep. I never remember how that comes to be but I always wake befuddled by this phenomena. I mean how can I not know that I moved that much in my sleep? This weird sleeping event, although rare, usually occurs in the summer months. This paragraph also has absolutely nothing to do with this blog.

I did not have a specific place planned for where this goal was to be achieved but I knew it had to be attempted in spring, summer or fall. Winter was too easy and, too cold. Honestly though, this goal was too easy to accomplish in any season, or so I thought. Can you believe I've attempted to achieve this goal several times unsuccessfully? I could not get my ass out of bed the morning after the sunset. I have always been a night owl at heart but there are phases of my life where I become this crazy, awake before the birds, morning person and I love it!

It doesn't last long, usually happens in the spring and autumn for a few weekends, but I love it. I enjoy being a morning person but it is just not natural to me. Maybe when I am a senior citizen I will become a morning person. I hope so! Anyways, I did not plan on accomplishing this goal while in Key West, it kind of just happened naturally and unexpectedly. No one was more shocked than me when I found myself wide awake before the sun rose the morning after a long and exciting day of driving the Overseas Highway, stopping at several Keys, watching the sunset in Mallory Square, then going for a late night swim.

I just woke up naturally. I felt amazing too. I was not at all groggy. I was only going on 5 hours sleep but I felt great. I decided to go sit on my second floor balcony and watch the sunrise. But, let's talk about the sunset first. That was totally planned. Everyone I knew that had visited Key West had "Sunset from Mallory Square" as a must do recommendation for my visit to Key West.

Sunset is a wonderful reason to celebrate!

I can understand now, why it was so highly recommended. Mallory Square is just a cool, cool place. Shops, kiosks, and stands offering goods and foods surround the perimeter of the square. The square itself was a huge, wide open space paved with brick and stone. Performers, artisans, craft stands, fortune tellers and tons of roosters were scattered about the square. I am pretty sure the roosters were there to watch the sunset too. I mean, they are locals so obviously they knew the best spots on the island to watch the sunset.

Mallory Square was the place to be. How could so many roosters be wrong? Hundreds of people and roosters wandered the square, mulling about, checking out the action. I spotted a rooster standing in line waiting for his fortune to be read. Seriously! A lady was reading someone their cards and this rooster was standing in line, watching intently, as the women spoke about the cards she had drawn. It was hilarious!

Some of the hens and chicks of Mallory Square.

We made our way over to the little wall by the water. People were perched up and down this wall for what seemed like a mile. We found a spot near a railing to stand. We gazed out into the water and the sky. Directly across from us sat Sunset Key.  The name was perfect because from Mallory Square, it seemed as if the sun was going to sink into the island itself. Sailboats were making their way into the waters between Mallory Square and Sunset Key. They were beautiful boats, some with huge masts.

All of a sudden we heard this loud splash. We turn around to see a teenage girl had fallen off the wall and into the water near a little bridge that connected the square to a hotel. Thankfully she could swim and was laughing about it. I was a little envious of her because the water was completely turquoise, just like that of a swimming pool rather than an ocean. It must have felt so refreshing. Once we all knew she was okay, we turned our attention back to the sky.

The water was seriously this color. I could not take my eyes off of it!

The sun was a gigantic yellow ball of fire slowly descending from the sky. It was huge! It turned the entire sky surrounding it a deep golden hue. I have never seen the sun look more glorious than it was in that moment. It was beyond breathtaking. I snapped a few pictures but knew they would not do the moment any justice. If you have ever witnessed the sun setting over Key West you would understand just how spectacular it can be.

We stood there for ten minutes, watching the slow descent. Once the sun kissed the top of the treeline of Sunset Key, it was the perfect opportunity to depart Mallory Square and watch the sky turn it's gorgeous pink and grey from the Overseas Highway. As we walked out of the square and back through the shops and attractions. it was like we had Key West to ourselves. It was a ghost town. Everyone was still in the square. It was so cool!

The huge beautiful sun, setting over Sunset Key. What a spectacular sight!

We made our way back to the car and headed back the the hotel. The sky was just beautiful. The pink and the palm trees made for a beautiful sunset. I felt so at peace. I felt so happy. The highway did not have much traffic on it which was also nice. We stopped at a Publix then grabbed a pizza at the hotel. We finished the beautiful evening by admiring the night sky from the pool at our hotel. What a perfect day!

I love swimming at night!

I don't know if the night swim had both relaxed and revitalized me at the same time but I slept wonderfully and woke feeling amazing.....at 4:30 in the morning. That never happens. I guess when you have no worries and stresses and are in a beautiful place making one of your dreams come true, your mind calms down and can focus on just being happy and serene. Why couldn't every day be like this I thought.

I decided to slip out the sliding glass doors onto the balcony to enjoy the darkness before the light. I sat in the lounge chair listening to the sounds of a few creatures that call Sugarloaf Key home. I was so contented. My breathing was good. My head was uncluttered. My soul was peaceful. I grabbed my phone from the room and began looking at all the picture I had taken of the previous day. The smile on my face was so pure and genuine.

My photo gazing was interrupted by the sound of a splash in the water. I looked up to see a faint light creeping into the dark sky. I could see water rippling in the middle of the canal. Then I heard another splash. Then another. Finally I caught a glimpse of a big fish jumping out of the water. Guess he was trying to catch bugs hovering near the water. I sat there, amused, trying to catch more and more glimpses of this fish.

The sun was now rising over the canal. The clouds were shadowed a dark grey color. They hung above a deep pink horizon near the water. The pink of the horizon faded into a pale golden color the further the sky rose from the water line. The gold was topped with almost a translucent white before turning into a grayish blue. As the sky lightened, the reflection of the clouds lay upon the water as if it were an unblemished mirror.

It appeared as if the entire sky, with all of it's stunning colors, was actually underneath the water, that is how perfectly still the canal waters were. I could not take my eyes off of this spectacular view. I was entranced and enchanted with every single fabulous detail surrounding this sunrise. Occasionally the big fish would make another leap out of the water, and there were a few little circular ripples near the edge of the canal, perhaps turtles or little fish, but other than that, there wasn't a single stir.

As the day grew lighter, I could see an egret walking along the marshes in the middle of the canal. Another one soon joined him. Perhaps they were looking for little fishes hiding in the sea grass. I guess there were parts of the canal further out, where the egrets were standing that were not deep. I know the water right next to the hotel was very deep. It dropped off immediately. It had to be at least 30 feet but maybe even deeper. You could not see the bottom at all. I am also not an expert in gauging water depth so 30 feet was just a random number that popped in my head.

Watching the sunrise in Sugarloaf Key. Nothing short of gorgeous!

Eventually both kiddos made their way onto the patio, also amazed that I was awake so early. We all took some time to admire the beauty of the sunrise. It was almost 6:00 am by this point. I sat outside a little longer. I did not want this moment to end. To experience both the sunset and sunrise in one of the most beautiful places I had ever visited was so incredible to me. Unwittingly, I had accomplished another bucket list item. I love those ones that sneak up on you unexpectedly. They are sometimes the best accomplishments.

We started getting ready for another day of adventures. We had a buoy to visit and more of Key West to experience. We headed down to the Tiki Bar for some very good complimentary coffee and hot chocolate. I could not wait to take in more of the atmosphere and culture of the Florida Keys. It had been an incredible journey thus far. I was making memories and moments I will never forget for the rest of my life. The sunrises and sunsets in this life I call my own I will not take for granted ever again.

The Florida Keys Chronicles- My Adventures

#19 Visit A Butterfly Sanctuary

#21 Take A Road Trip Through The Florida Keys

#24 Fly In A Plane

#65 Have Authentic Key Lime Pie In Key West

#66 Visit The Southernmost Part Of The USA

#95 Visit Ernest Hemingway's House

#100 Visit Key West

#129 Watch The Sun Set And Sun Rise In One Day

#221 Try Conch

#475 Visit Key Largo

#479 Drive The Overseas Highway

#485 Visit No Name Key And Drink A No Name Beer In A No Name Pub

Chrissy

#311 Watch The Sun Set On A Beach

The beach, oh how I long for it. There is something so cathartic about a visit to the beach. It heals me. It restores me. It puts my life in perspective. Granted I am not your typical beach goer. I only go on the beach in the morning or the evening. I am not a fan of crowded beaches. I am not a fan of sitting on the scorching sand as the big ball of fire in the sky turns me into a boiled crustacean creature. The Irish part of my ancestral lineage does not enjoy it one bit. So, I try to avoid the beach between 11 am and 4 pm.

Besides, the real magic that the beach beholds, in my opinion is during dusk and dawn. For this particular blog, I am going to talk about the beach at dusk. I've been on the beach many times at dusk, but this particular time, I was by myself. My kids and I were spending an early June weekend in Wildwood, NJ. I had booked an ocean front hotel in the Crest. It wasn't the fanciest or most modern hotel but the price was right and the view was gorgeous.

My view for the evening. Serenity now!

We had spent the day walking the plank, enjoying the world famous boardwalk food and shops. It was a surprisingly hot day, so we were drained. I grabbed a pizza to bring back to the hotel. The kids turned on the AC and started watching their goofy TV shows, which are actually quite funny. I ate my pizza and stared out of the big picture window towards the crashing waves rolling along the shore. The sand looked so soft and cushy. The sky was a stunning shade of blue. A voice was talking to me. It was the beach.

"You look so pretty in your sun dress but I know your legs are tired from walking along all those rickety wooden boards. You're exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. Come sit with me. Breath me in. Take in my beauty. Relax. Unwind. I will remove the weight of the world from your shoulder's for a little while. I will tousle your long, beautiful hair gently in my breeze. I will soothe the lines on your face with my mineral rich, salty caress. I long for your company on this beautiful evening. You should not spend it alone."

"Oh and fill your water bottle with some of that awesome Red, White and Blue wine you purchased earlier in the day. You deserve a nightcap."

OMG The beach really was talking to me. In fact, I think it was totally flirting with me. It was good too, real good. I found myself all blushing and bashful, hiding my face behind my slice of pizza, giggling like a school girl. And the whole bring some wine in a water bottle line, genius! I was so much going on this date. How could a girl say no to such poetry? I gobbled a few more bites of pizza and started getting ready for my big night.

God Bless America!

I dumped out the little bit of water left in my water bottle from the drive down. I started pouring the wine into the empty bottle while getting some serious side eye from my son. He just shook his head with disapproval and went back to watching TV.

My other water bottle was filled with ice tea. Perfect. I had my beverages. I decided to keep my sundress on since I was sure I would want to wade in the waves. It would eventually get chilly though, I reminded myself. The wind on the beach can be very gusty. I grabbed my hoodie and zipped it over my sundress.

I shoved everything I needed for my date into the pockets of my hoodie. I turned to my kids and informed that I would be sitting on the beach in case they needed me. They both nodded but my son also threw in some serious stink eye with his nod.

Before heading down for my date, I stopped at the car to grab one of the canvas bucket chairs stored in the back. They had built in cup holders which would be perfect for my beverages. I hoisted one of the chairs on my shoulder by the strap and headed down the wooden walkway towards the great, vast Atlantic.

Once I hit the sand, I kicked off my sandals, scooping them up with my fingers. Walking through the deep, soft sand isn't the the easiest thing to do, especially if you are a bonafide clumsy person like myself. Somehow though, I managed to not walk like a dinosaur too much. The sand was definitely working my leg muscles but not in a painful way. It was more therapeutic in nature.

My bare little feet gripped onto the slippery grains below them with each step I made. It felt soooooooo good. I was careful to look for broken shells, glass and some of the other crap you find on Jersey beaches. The Crest always kept the beach pretty clean so there weren't too many things I came across that could pierce my foot.

As I neared the coastline, I noticed that with the exception of a few people here and there, I pretty much had the beach to myself. Oh kids! How wonderful! The sand under my feet was now firm and wet. I assessed the waterline. I decided to set up my chair several feet away from the tide line. I dropped my beverages into the cup holders then covered them with my hoodie. Pretty sure it is illegal to have wine in a water bottle on the beach so I wasn't going to advertise my shady activities.

I turned and smiled at the waves. Hello lovelies! Allow me to come wade in your frothy angst. Slowly, I worked my way into the salty water. It was cold for about thirty seconds but my feet adjusted to the water temperature almost immediately. And if feet could smile, mine would be grinning from toe to toe. It felt very soothing on my sore tootsies. This was nice. I gazed up into the evening sky. The blue hues were growing deeper.

The clouds were glowing pink as the sun began it's slow decent into the ocean. I stepped further into the salty waters. I started kicking water up into the air with my feet, splashing around like a child. I inhaled deeply, my lungs loving the spring time ocean air. I glimpsed some bigger waves a little further in. I smirked. I was holding my sundress up as far as I could without risking a citation for public indecency. The hemline was completely soaked but I didn't mind one bit. In fact, I wanted those waves to rock my world.

Dusk on the Crest.

As each wave approached me, I turned my back to it, allowing it splash up over me. I was laughing hysterically, screaming as each wave crashed into me. A father and son walking past me laughed and waved. "Look at the crazy lady!" they were probably thinking. Or maybe they were thinking, "Look at her living in the moment." Who knows. It doesn't matter.

I waved back to them just as a huge wave snuck up on me, almost knocking me over. I have no idea how I managed to keep my balance but I did. I was now completely drenched from the waist down. I glanced towards my chair and noticed the tide making it's way closer to it. I began waddling my way towards the sand.

I won't go any further than waist deep into the ocean anyway because Jaws will get me. Seriously, I can't see what's in the water. A shark can totally come up and bite me. I'm not taking that chance. I looked down the line at some boys who were not afraid of Jaws. They were way out in the water. Sighs. To be young and brave again I thought. Not me. As much as I love frolicking in the waves, I will only go so far. Bruce aka Jaw's first victim was a girl named Chrissy. I take that shit for real. He wasn't getting this Chrissy.

As I was making my way out of the water, a couple walked by. The woman asked me if the water was cold. I told her at first it was, but it didn't take very long to get used to it. She smiled, thanking me. They made their way over to the life guard chair and climbed up to the seat while I made my way to my chair to push it back. I also wrung out the bottom of my dress. It was a light material so while it was soaked, it wasn't heavy or uncomfortable.

I sat in the sun and started sipping at my shady water bottle filled with wine. The woman had climbed down from the chair and was now frolicking in the waves as her man watched, laughing. I smiled. The beach surely does bring out the kid in many of us. A gust of wind suddenly whipped against my skin making me shudder. The temperature was definitely dropping so I wrapped my hoodie around me. The couple had begun making their way further down the beach.

Letting it all slip away for awhile. 

I turned my attention to the endless water and allowed my thoughts drift. The morning drive through Philly was very stressful. I was hoping we would have missed the morning rush of traffic but we did not. We spent an hour in it. I felt that lingering tension slip away. I let a lot of built up tension and stress that I had been carrying slip away with each wave that ceded back into the ocean. Eventually all of it was swept away. I knew it would only be temporary but I was glad it was gone, even if for a little while.

My chair began to sink further into the sand. I looked down at my feet. The tide was rolling further onto the beach. I was surrounded by water. I decided I was not going to move my chair just yet. I wanted to be surrounded by the water. I pulled out my phone and snapped a few pictures, adding some selfies to the mix.

I examined my face in the pictures. My thoughts were mapped all over it. My face was tired but calm. There was a touch of melancholy in my eyes, but there was also this serenity and peace in them. My smile was relaxed, relieved even. I could even see how much better my breathing was by looking at my face. There wasn't a trace of anxiety in this moment.

So at peace with the world this evening.

I took another swig of "water" and began scanning the ocean for dolphins. Last year in Cape May, my daughter and I had spotted dolphins from the shoreline. Unfortunately there were no dolphins bobbing out of the water this time but there were some boats cruising around on the horizon. I tilted my head back in my chair and closed my eyes. The sound of the crashing waves became crystal clear. I sat there for twenty minutes, eyes closed, breathing deeply, just listening. The water was embracing my ankles as my chair sank a little deeper into the sand.

This is the closest I get to actual mediation. Yes, I can make myself zone out for a few minutes. And sometimes I get so absorbed in what I am doing that I no longer notice anything around me. I believe it's called focus but I honestly don't know much about that anymore. I used to be able to command myself to focus but now a days it's a futile effort. I'm just happy if I can zone out some of the background noise now. I am so attuned to everything going on around me. It has a price though.

It has been recommended to me more than once by friends, medical professionals, and even complete strangers that I learn how to meditate. Thus far, I have been an epic failure in that art. I can slack off like nobody's business now, but even in my slackerdom, my thoughts are in several places. My mind is a repeat gold medalist in racing thoughts. I cope with it. I accept it. I am thankful for the moments when I do zone out completely. It is what it is.

I could enjoy this view every single day.

Anyway, I digress. When I opened my eyes, it was definitely dusk. The sun had begun kissing the water. It was so unbelievably peaceful and that is magic to me. I finished my bottle of "water" while savoring every single moment that my head was completely void of any thought. I found myself grinning at this pure bliss I seldom experience. All but the very top of the sun had disappeared into the dark water. My sunset was now complete and boy was it an amazing experience.

I rose from my chair, being careful not to drop my phone into the calf deep water. It took a few tries to remove my chair from the suction of sand and water but I managed to free it without falling over into the water. I started my walk back towards the hotel. The lights were now shining bright in the dark grey sky. I rinsed the sand off my feet in the little foot shower by the steps from the beach onto the the hotel patio.

When I entered the room, both kiddos were still watching TV but they were also definitely half asleep. I went into the bathroom to change. I decided not to change into my pajamas though. The huge $400 a night hotel across the way had a band playing outside on their deck. It's was classic rock band and they were really good. My hotel had lounge chairs lined up at the edge of the patio facing the beach. I decided to go outside and lounge in one of those chairs to enjoy the free entertainment. It was also a perfect night for star gazing.

Sailing ships floating by.

I refilled my water bottle, grabbed my blanket and headed out to the patio. For how cloudy it was earlier, the sky was crystal clear now. I laid down on a lounger, covered myself with the blanket and looked up into the pitch black sky. Mars was in orbit very close to earth. I can't remember the last time it was this close to Earth, but it had definitely been awhile. I spotted the red planet immediately although it's faint glow looked more pink than red. My eyes shifted to the right of Mars. Jupiter was also glowing brightly in the night sky. How wonderful this night has been, I smiled to myself.

The band next door started playing "Simple Man". I had seen Lynyrd Skynyrd perform this song live a few years back. I'll never forget it either. The whole crowd had tears running down their faces. It is such an emotional song. At the concert, the band played a montage of all the band and crew members they have lost over the years above the stage. Johnny Van Zant's emotional vocals reflected the still lingering pain of the brother he lost in a plane crash. The entire band played with their whole heart through the entire concert. If you have never seen Skynyrd play live, it's a must. They are true musicians who give their concert goers an amazing, genuine, from the heart, rock show.

I began reflecting on my life. When we reflect on ourselves we think of many things. We recognize the choices we shouldn't have made. We ponder the choices we should have made. We remember the opportunities we allowed to slip away. Would I call them regrets? Not necessarily. The phrase "directional misguidance" seems more appropriate. Many factors play into making decisions and depending on your personality type and how much influence you allow into each decision you make, sometimes we inadvertently make the wrong decision.

Taken Sunday morning. Hazy, beautiful beach and waves.

We realize that perhaps some of the goals we wanted to achieve, we did not pursue wholeheartedly.  I do believe hard work and persistence pays off. But when you find yourself working very hard at multiple things and life is hitting you with unexpected challenges, sometimes the last thing you need is something else in which you have to work hard for. We only have so much time and energy to dispense. Do we do a bunch of things half assed and accomplish very little to nothing? Or, do we make a choice to focus on the goals most vital to us?

We are all different. Some people can handle an overflowing plate just fine while others, like myself, need to remove a few items from our plates. There is no guilt in removing items from your already full plate, yet many of us succumb to a feeling of guilt anyway. We need to get a better grip on how much we allow guilt to affect us because in all honesty, if given the power, guilt can cripple us completely. We also need to not compare ourselves to others so much. Why do we do that to ourselves when in reality, none of us are exactly the same?

There is nothing more impossible than being exactly like someone else. And competing with someone else is the perfect recipe for total self destruction. I'm not talking about sporting competitions or friendly wagers or other contests. I am speaking of competing against other people in a day to day aspect. We are all born with our own unique talents and gifts and attributes. Why do we spend so much time wishing we had someone else's? Yes, we are also born with our own set of flaws and limitations. We need to ask ourselves why we focus so much more on our flaws instead of our gifts? I was so guilty of that for a long time. Not anymore.

If someone feels they need to compete against me, that is their problem. I have no interest anymore in that shit. If someone makes me feel like I have to compete, well I don't have time for that shit either. The only person I am interesting in competing with is the person I was yesterday. Is it okay to admire a quality about someone? Yes. Is it okay to be influenced by certain characteristics another person may have? Of course. Sometimes we become better versions of ourselves by taking example from the positive traits of others and utilizing them within ourselves. That is always a positive thing. Trying to become someone else entirely is a negative thing.

I think this was the first time I ever saw the beach like this. It was stunning.

As for your life, sure, you can map out it out. You can set goals. You can have dreams. That is good stuff. You should have some goals and dreams. And sometimes things will go according to plan. But sometimes it will not. You may not achieve all the goals you set out to achieve but instead, you may achieve something completely different yet equally rewarding. Sometimes better. You may eventually achieve a goal only to realize that you no longer want it. Sometimes we grow out of things. Sometimes we grow past things. That is okay. Evolution wears many hats.

I know this blog is long and I have delved a little deep, but it supposed to be this way. This is part of the magic. This is part of the calm and clarity I find in my mornings and evenings spent on the beach, or in nature in general. I used to find this very serenity and clarity sitting on my back porch on spring and summer nights when I lived in my old house. I could sit there for hours, a glass of wine or ice tea in my hand, watching the little animals and birds playing. I would take in the smell of the grass and flowers. I would watch the birds flying from tree to tree. I once witnessed a Chikadee brawl go down.

Sometimes I played music in the background. Sometimes I would eat my dinner on the porch. I barely turned on the TV. My TV was the view outside. When I had to move, I lost that ability to give myself peace and calm and clarity. Since then, I have been searching for a way to find calm and clarity in my day to day life. Something that will work for me. This is a goal I need to pursue more fervently. But, let's get back to the beach.

I thought about my life. Not much went according to plan. Many of the paths I found myself on were rocky and steep. Some of them were impassable. Sometimes I found myself doing a 180 and climbing back down to the bottom, seeking another path. Not all were bad though. In my travels through life thus far, there have been many unexpected paths. Some of these paths had beautiful vistas and incredible scenery. Paths that have changed me for the better. Paths that have made me stronger, grateful and resilient. Paths that have given me a new point of view. Paths that have changed my life completely, beneficially.

Our Wildwood Crest Adventure

The path I was on tonite was one that changed my perspective. I had been feeling like I was stuck in this huge engulfing cloud of negativity. I was certainly surrounded by a lot of negative energy on a daily basis. I asked myself, what part of this could I control? The answer was simple. I could control my reaction to it. I could control how much energy I spent thinking about the negativity. I knew it was definitely going to take some time to learn this behavior but I also knew it had come to a point where I had to change for my own well being.

Yes, there were going to be missteps and painful days. That was okay. As long as I fought through those days, and practiced resiliency, it would become easier to digest these moments. Now that my game plan was set, I shifted my thought to the all the happy stuff. I sat in that lounge chair reminiscing on so many unexpected good times I have had in my life.

I didn't even notice the band had stopped playing until my ears tuned in the sound of the ocean. I loved that sound. I thought of all the good I have in my life. I thought about all the opportunities I have been able to take advantage of. I thought about how incredibly strong I have been. My weak moments did not define me, my strong ones did. I looked forward to making more memories, enjoying new experiences and surviving another day.

Crash into me. 

Sitting there, on that gorgeous night, I was so happy to be me. I realized that I wouldn't trade any part of my life for anyone else's for one second. That is what the sunset on the beach did for me. That is what real magic feels like. As I write this, nearly 8 months later, I have been able to keep this magic in me. I've tripped. I've fallen. I've found myself at a complete standstill. But, I have not gone backwards.

All I have to do is think of that night on the beach and how at peace I was with life and it brings me calm and serenity. Eventually I will find other ways to bring calm and serenity to myself as well.

And that my peeps, is the story of a sunset on the beach.

Chrissy

#356 Become A Life Long Collector Of Something That Fascinates You

This past weekend I decided to do some cleaning and organizing while watching the college football games. The holidays are coming up. Soon I will be busy cooking and baking and decorating. There will be parties and get togethers. There will be shopping trips. There will be several drives out to State College. There will be over eating and napping and presents. There will be stress and anxiety. Well.... the anxiety is always there but sometimes it's dormant. Not any longer though!! Lucky me! It's wide awake now.

And with the anxiety comes slacker days. I am very protective of my slacker days. I have come to enjoy them. I need them. They are healthy for me. I was definitely going to need a few slacker days this holiday season. So, I decided to get my butt in gear and get some of the not so fun stuff out of the way before the holidays. I started in the living room and kitchen....mostly because those rooms are near the TV and it was college football Saturday.

Little did I know that on this cleaning day, I would come to realize what my greatest, most life long collection would be. I discovered it while cleaning and sorting through the boxes, baskets and trunks in my living room. It shouldn't have astonished me, but it did.

Treasure Chests

Collections and The Collector, A Fascination Game.......
Being a lifelong collector of something is very enjoyable. Why? I am not sure I can pinpoint exactly why. Some thoughts.....

Maybe it is a small but meaningful goal we need in our day to day lives. A goal that is attainable. We may not even realize we set this little goal. Let's face it, achieving a goal, even a small one, has a satisfying and positive impact on one's life. Maybe it is a tangible reminder of an event, that when gazed upon or held, brings forth special memories from the banks of your mind. Memories made during a wonderful experience or adventure you had.

Maybe it reminds us of loved ones. Maybe the collection was inspired by a family member or friend. Maybe you are adding to an already existing collection from someone you love who is no longer around. Maybe it is just fun to do. Maybe it is just stuff you like. Maybe it is a good addiction in a world full of bad ones. There are lots of reasons why we collect objects, none of which are wrong. Well... unless you collect people. If you collect people you are most likely a serial killer or a serial something and that is very, very wrong. Don't collect people. Very wrong.

Anyways, I put having a life long collection on my bucket list. I decided I was going to write about my souvenir patches because next to photos, that was the only life long collection that I genuinely had. Or so I thought. You see, I have this big wicker trunk in my living room that I wanted to vacuum behind. When I went to move it, it was freakin' heavy. My back was not expecting that at all. Guess we are going to sort through this too, I thought to myself. Might as well.

I knew what was in this trunk. It was used to store random photos, trinkets, menus, maps, greeting cards, and everything else under the sun that did not have a home. It was time to make a home for everything. I had a few decorative suitcases and another smaller trunk that were homes in the making. Let me put all of this together and make more sense of it.

When I pulled back the hinge on the trunk I gasped a little. I did not realize I had put so much stuff in there. I grabbed the other trunk and cases and began my chore. I spent the next 8 hours laughing and crying and reminiscing. Turns out, it's my journeys and adventures with friends and family that fascinate me most. 43 years of my life was sprawled out on the floor around me. 43 years of memories and emotions spilled out onto my living room carpet.

Let's take a peek inside my box of treasures.

The contents included:
Menus from the many restaurants I have visited over the years.
Maps of the places I have traveled.
Hotel brochures from places I've stayed.
Mini golf sheets from days out golfing with my son.
They keys from my Pontiac 6000, my first car.
Birthday cards from my grandparents.
Drumsticks and guitar picks from concerts and local bands.
Football schedules from high school.
My first checkbook.
Nametags from restaurants I worked.
Ticket stubs....holy ticket stubs from games and movies and concerts and events.
Awards, stickers, and decals.
Souvenir patches.
Wine tasting lists
Handwritten notes and cards.
Stolen trinkets from drunken nights with friends.
City guide books.
Wedding invitations and favors.
My greyhound's dog tags. Snowball's dog tags.

My Ticket Stubs

My first library card was in that trunk. It was 33 years old, but I can still recall my trips to the library as a kid, especially wandering around the K section in fiction, (Stephen King) like they were yesterday.

I found some of the little drawings of animals my daughter would make for me when she was little. I used to carry my favorites in my wallet. On especially rough waitressing days, I would open my wallet and look at those little drawings.

My 40th birthday crown Becky had given me for winefest weekend was in that trunk. I remember walking around and being treated like a queen by everyone at Winefest. It made turning 40 so much easier.

My little Virginia Slims Black Book, that my aunt Mary gave me, was in that trunk. All my school friends' addresses and phone numbers were neatly written in that book. I miss the 80's so much.

A weirdly shaped stick I found one night while we were sitting around a fire at Jere's, 8 years ago, was in there. I remember pretending I was a pirate with it. I remember getting hysterical when I lost it. My friends helped me find it. We all had a little too much to drink that night.

I found the necklace Chris made me at the Roadhouse. Another night of too much drinking and a lot of pocket change. We were buying toys out of a candy dispenser machine because it was fun. I remember my friends giving me change to put in the little plastic bubbles as tips for me being me. They still had the change in them.

Some of my memories

I found the little bow tie that went to my son's first Easter suit in there. I miss holding both my babies in my arms. They grew way too fast.

I found the business card of my dad's band The Chords from back in the day. The menu of my mother's former catering business was also in there.

Every single thing that I touched, every single thing that I gazed upon, brought back a flood of memories. Memories that felt as if they were only made yesterday. I laughed. I smiled. I cried. I remembered. This collection of mine cost little to no money. This collection of mine may have no real worth on the buyer's market, but to me, it was absolutely priceless. It was a true treasure chest and it was all mine.

My Souvenir Patches

One day I will be gone, and many of the stories behind some of the mementos I have collected will go with me. But while I am still here, I will continue to add to my life collection. And when I have my bad days, days where I feel like I have accomplished nothing, days where I feel absolutely worthless, I will look at my treasures and know, I have accomplished much. I will know I have lived. I will know how blessed I am and how much value my life truly does hold.

This is how to live.

I may not be a world traveler. I may not be able to partake in every adventure presented to me. I may not be able to afford to do as much as I would like. I may not realize some of my goals and dreams in this lifetime. But I do know that I have lived more life in my 43 years on earth, than many people will live in their lifetime.

This was one of those moments in life where having a deep, sentimental soul and a sensitive, loving heart was most definitely a blessing and not a curse. Today was a sign. A sign pointing to another sign. A sign I bought 3 1/2 years ago, when I was feeling happy inside and ready for the next decade of my life. 

You see, I took this sign down 2 - 2 1/2 years ago. I couldn't look at it anymore. I felt old and hopeless. My self esteem was at an all time low.  But, I think it's time to hang this sign back up. I think it is time to live positively and happily again. I'm more than just the reflection in the mirror. I'm more than the amount in my paycheck. I am more than the town I live in. I am inspiring and fascinating. I am me and dammit, I love me!
  
"Life: Find a passion and pursue it. Fall in love. Dream big. Drink wine. Eat great food and spend quality time with good friends. Laugh everyday. Believe in magic. Tell stories. Reminisce about the good old days but look with optimism to the future. Travel often. Learn more. Be creative. Spend time with people you admire. Seek opportunities when they reveal themselves. Love with all your heart. Never give up. Do what you love. Be true to who you are. Make time to enjoy the simple things in life. Spend time with family. Forgive even when it's hard. Smile often. Be grateful. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Follow your dreams. Try new things. Work hard. Don't count the minutes count the laughs. Embrace change. Trust in yourself. Be thankful. Be nice to everyone. Be happy. Live for today. And above all....make every moment count."

What do you collect?
Why do you collect?
What made you decide to collect the things you do?
Do you remember your first piece?
What inspired you?
Do you take time to appreciate your collections?
Your answers may surprise you.

Chrissy

#268 Give My Time To Help A Charity

"The Smallest Act of Kindness Is Worth More Than The Grandest Intention." - Oscar Wilde

Remember the Friends episode where Joey and Phoebe have a debate about how hard it is to do a completely selfless act? Even giving something to someone in need is not completely selfless because it makes you feel good, hence, there really are no selfless acts in the world.


That may be true but I think it is okay to feel contented with yourself for doing something for someone in need. You're are contributing to a cause while providing yourself with a much needed, positive self esteem boost. Nothing wrong with that at all. That is a true win win situation. We should feel good about ourselves. We should care about our fellow man, our environment, our planet.

Giving time and/or donations to a cause is not only a very rewarding act for oneself, it also has this radiating ripple effect of positive energy and good intention that is so very infectious. And do not for one minute ever take for granted that at any given moment you may very well find yourself as one of those in need. If there is one thing for certain in life, it is that there is no certainty other than death.

People lose jobs. People fall ill.  Fires destroy homes. Acts of terror occur. Businesses crumble. Diseases spread. Accidents happen. Children are born with special needs. Mother Nature can be merciless. Humans can be merciless. The list of tragedies and difficulties one could encounter in a lifetime is so comprehensive and overwhelming. And if by chance, you are fortunate enough to have never experienced a devastating or life altering hardship, I'm pretty positive someone you know, someone you care about, has been touched by tragedy.

I have never had much money in my life. The decisions I have made thus far in life have certainly lead me to some wealth, just not of the financial type of wealth. And yes, I have let opportunities pass me by. Those decisions are mine for my own reasons. I'm not alone on this either. A lot of us live paycheck to paycheck due to various reasons and decisions. I am not here to judge anyone.

I realize many of us do not have much money. Keep in mind though, that there are many other forms of currency that are just as valuable. Time, compassion, listening, volunteering, collecting, lending, coordinating......these acts are just as valuable. I understand many charities need monies to operate, and every little cent does count, but do not allow your financial situation to prevent you from helping in other ways.

And while I do give money to causes, I have given more of myself than anything. I am more than happy to bake for charitable causes and have done so many times. I've cleaned up local nature areas. I have spoken to families with autistic children in support groups, sharing in my experiences. I've volunteered to work stations at charity events. I've donated tricky trays. I've donated waitressing tips to a local children's charity. And I didn't stop there.

I have instilled this behavior in my children as well. Since they were very young, they have been taught the act of charity. My daughter is unbelievably charitable. Together we have gathered clothing for women's shelters. We have worked in a soup kitchen. We have sat in nursing homes lending an ear to it's residents. We have donated to the local pet shelter. We have participated in food drives. We have attended and assisted at military ceremonies.

My son is also willing to donate time, energy and money to causes as well. He is always showing off a new bracelet he has purchased for a cause. He participates in walks and other activity events for many causes. He is currently looking at organizing and coordinating a fundraiser for Suicide prevention.

My family tries to support as many fundraisers, bake sales, events etc. as we possibly can.

We give back as much as we can, when we can. We know what it is like to be on the other side of the coin. My son was able to get his therapy for many years at a minimal cost thanks to the generous people of our community. When my daughter was born, another local charity provided us with a free car seat. My son needed foot braces when he was a toddler. A local charity paid the remainder of the cost for the braces after insurance.

I will forever be so humbled and grateful for the kindness and support given to my family during these times. Times when I had to put my pride aside for the sake of my children. And without the good human beings in the world, none of that would have been possible. My family and myself have endured many hard times and rough situations, some we never thought we would ever have to deal with. Some...there just aren't any words for. We cope. We try. That is all we can do. That is all any of us can do.

Suffering and struggle does not discriminate. It does not care about age, social status, ethnicity, religion, gender or race. It does not care if you are already under enough stress. It does not care about your hopes, dreams and goals. It does not care about your family or loved ones. It DOES NOT care. It just happens. And it can happen at any time.

This is where the compassion of mankind comes in. Most of us do care. Most of us want to help.

There are people out there who legitimately have absolutely nothing. There are people out there whom are struggling with devastating hardships. There are people out there who are fighting for their life, trying to live to see another day. There are families whom have lost everything due to fires and acts of nature. There are children and adults suffering from awful diseases, some very rare. There are veterans suffering from PTSD and other afflictions. There are homeless people looking for a comfortable bed to sleep in and a warm meal to fill their bellies.

How can we help? How do we decide? Well.... Some people are passionate about things that have directly touched their life. Some people are passionate about animals, education, community, the environment, the military. It's your choice. Choose one or choose many. Just choose something.

Take a little time here or there and do something good for humankind and the planet we call home. Take some time to be a good human.

**Just to clarify, not all fundraisers have to do with illness and tragedy. Helping out school organizations, sporting leagues, religious entities, environmental centers, scholarship funds, and wildlife reserves, just to name a few, are all positive endeavors that have a great impact on the local community. It's your backyard, do your part to try and keep it nice.

*** As with any charity or fundraising, always do your research. Make sure it is legitimate. Make sure the intentions of the charities are good.  Make sure your time, goods, and/or money are put to proper use.

10 Small but Charitable Things You Can Do On A Daily Basis
They may not seem charitable but trust me, they are.

1.   Throw your garbage in a garbage can. (Helping keep the planet clean.)
2.   Pay someone a genuine compliment. ( You never know who is suffering from depression.)
3.   Turn off any unnecessary electronics/lights. ( Save money. Help the environment.)
4.   Don't throw your pennies away. It's money. Save them in a jar. (Donate them to a charity at Christmas.)
5.   Feed the birds your stale bread. ( Nourishing the ecosystem chain.)
6.   Keep non constructive criticism to yourself. ( Bullying comes in many forms, big and small.)
7.   Donate anything in your house that is no longer useful. ( Someone less fortunate can use it.)
8.   Re-use your plastic bottles. ( Help landfills and the environment.)
9.   Drive safely. ( Save lives and unnecessary injuries)
10. Smile and laugh as much as possible. ( Positive energy lifts spirits.)



Chrissy