A Free Spirit's Bucket List: #99 Win A Fantasy Football Championship

My First Ever Fantasy Football Draft Experience
2009

Friend: "Hey Fess, I have an extra spot in my Fantasy League. You know a lot about football. You could do well but the draft is tonight at 8:30. What do you think?"
Me (intrigued): "I have never played it before. Would I be able to have Pittsburgh as my team? Wait. No. Since there is money involved is New England available? Probably not huh?" (OMG did I just say that? I am so much going to Steelers hell for sure now.)
Friend: "Well you can pick as many Pittsburgh players as you want, which I personally wouldn’t do because they all suck, but you can pick other players for your team as well."
By the look on my face he sees that he completely lost me. He started grinning.
Me (very, very confused): "But how would I put non Pittsburgh players on The Steelers? Wouldn’t they be rejected?"
Friend (Looking very amused while trying to muffle his laughter. He wasn't doing a very good job at it either.): "Well it would be YOUR team. A team made up of players you pick. Not an actual NFL team."
The wood was really burning now because I could not grasp what he was saying although I was trying so very hard.
Me (Stupid is as stupid does written all over my face. “Are we using collegiate players?” I thought. ): "Well how do I know if the players are any good if they are not NFL? I don’t really keep up with college football. I was under the impression Fantasy Football was for the NFL."
As soon as those words had left my mouth I knew how incredibly stunade I had sounded. The look on my friend's face went from amusement to a “Wow…Did she really just say that?” look. Then a bell went off!!
Me: "Oh, wait! I get it now. What you are saying is that I can pick any NFL players to be on my team." (Ding Ding Ding! You have won the prize for being the brightest in your class. Here's a cookie. Now go sit in the corner and eat it.)
Friend (laughing hysterically now): "Yes Fess. That is right. You draft players to be on your team, just like the real NFL draft."
Me (laughing at my ineptitude): "Oh! I get it! That sounds like fun! Okay I am in!"

I was very excited. I have heard many, many other people talk about Fantasy Football and now I get to be a part of it and talk about it too. (Although, obviously I didn’t listen to the talk quite as well as I thought. See above conversation.) How euphoric!

But as we all know, euphoria is not meant to last forever. Just like the honeymoon phase of any relationship, eventually the euphoria fades and what is left can go a number of ways. Some of them not so good. I began feeling all sorts of guilty now. How could I, a die hard Steelers fan, pick other players to be on my team? That would be like cheating wouldn’t it? And even worse, what if I started to like other players? Oh my god!! What if I started liking entire football teams?

I already had a complex because I liked the NY Giants. What if my picking other players from other NFL teams created a karmic dimension that’s ultimate goal would be to punish me by dealing the Steelers a 0-16 season? Did I really need this added stress in my life? Did I really want to gnaw on Xanax like it was candy just to ease the guilt? I guess I did because at 8:30 that night I was in the draft room rearing to go.

As it turns out, I had last pick in the draft. It seemed fitting since I had no plans on winning. I would just be happy to win a game or two considering it was my rookie year. So, I proceeded to take Hines Ward as my first pick. Who knew my first pick would cause so much amusement for my fellow competitors? Tips and phrases flooded the chat room wall the instant I picked him.

Here is some of the carnage over the Hines Ward 1st Round pick listed below.

A first round Pride Pick? Not good if you want to win.
You picked a Wide Receiver first? Really?
Have you ever played Fantasy Football before?
Steelers suck!
You picked Hines Ward???
Good! Now there are two Steelers fans in the league. We can watch them fight over their shitty players.
Great job! You should always choose your bench players first, then work your way up to your starters!
You know the Steelers suck right?

Loved the whole start with your bench players and work your way up thing. Very clever. And the Steelers suck comments were some of the most unique and original statements I have ever heard regarding my team. I was so enlightened. ( The sarcasm is spewing now people. LOL) I also learned a new phrase that night. "Pride Pick" I thought it was a fantastic choice. However, amidst the laughter and sarcastic banter, something strange and psychic happened in that very moment. It blared across the chat room stream like a big red clown suit on that stormy night back in August of 2009.

It simply said…“Watch her win it all.” It was a prophecy!

Guess what? Once I got a feel for this whole Fantasy Football concept, from Week 3 on, I, me, Chrissy Fessler, was in first place. I had a 12 game winning streak. I WOULD have won the championship but Jim Caldwell of the Indianapolis Colts decided to bench 3 of my starters in the 16th week. My friend did warn me about this but the Colts were on their way to a perfect season. I did not believe Caldwell would really throw that away. How wrong I was. My Yahoo trophy should have read CHAMPION but thanks to the decision making of the Indianapolis Colt's coaching staff, it read 2nd PLACE. Maybe if Caldwell wouldn’t have benched Peyton, Dallas and Austin their trophy would have read Lombardi instead of First Loser. Just sayin’ Jim. Karma is a bitch on Planet Fess. Geaux Saints!

The following year I was doomed to fail. The inevitable Sophomore Slump as they call it. I had become so immersed in player statistics that for my second year draft, I based my picks solely on projections and predictions, pretty much ignoring my gut. NEVER ignore your intuition. It is usually right. I just couldn’t recover from the less than stellar performances and injury prone players I had on my roster.

Working Sunday nights at the Roadhouse also hindered my Fantasy Football Championship hopes. I was not fast enough to research and draft the break out players of the week before my competitors like I had the year before. I finished the season with a ranking of 6 out 8. Not cool! I sure as hell wasn’t going to allow this to happen next year. Not this girl. Not this football chick. No Way!

Yea..... so fast forward to the present. Have I played Fantasy Football every year since 2009? I have. I started playing in multiple leagues, including my own league. Every year I was in a minimum of at least two leagues. One year I was in a total of five leagues. I managed to have a few top 3 finishes over the past few years. I also managed to come in dead last, not once but twice, over the years. Ouch. That hurt. That hurt bad. However, I never really had a year that quite rivaled my very first year. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever win a Championship.

This year I decided that maybe I should just take an entire year off from Fantasy Football altogether. It would be like a football sabbatical if you will. It was going to be a busy few weeks for me during the preseason, which is when most FF drafts take place. We had already decided to take a year off from the family league and the work league that I participated in was now defunct. The PA Boyz League was the only other league left and the day they were going to draft was not going to work very well for me. I decided it was for the best. I could regroup and come back next year a new woman, ready to fight.

Then Ed informed me that the date of the league draft had changed. It was moved to Sunday the 28th. I was able to make it that day but I was still thinking it would be for the best for me to take a year off. After talking with Ed about football stuff and leagues and him drawing random graphs and stuff on papers which I am not even sure had to do with our discussion, I decided to play. My fate was sealed that day. For it was on that rainy day, back in August of 2016, that the football laces and goal posts were aligned just right. For it was on that day, that a Fantasy Football Champion was born.

Yes, that's right! I did it! I finally did it!! I won I won I won!! I won a Fantasy Football Championship!! I can't stop using exclamation points!! Let's do a hashtag.
#IWON #Chrissyisafantasyfootballchampion #holyhashtag

Truth be told, if you would have asked me back in August if I thought I had a chance at winning, my answer would have been "F@ck no!" The year before I finished 9th out of 10 or 10th out of 10. I don't remember because I try really hard to block out epic failure. All I know is that I was either Mayor or Deputy Mayor of Loserville last year.

Anyways, I know you are all wondering what I did differently this year. You may be asking yourself, "How do I become a Champion too?" People always want tips and inspiration from Champions. I completely understand. It comes with being a Champion. Some people are shy about asking though. It's ok. I totally get that too. As a Champion, I am more than happy to share the Secrets of My Success. You don't even have to ask either. I'm just gonna share. It's the least I can do......as a Champion.

The Secret To My Success

1. Have zero hopes of winning. In fact, have less than zero hopes of winning. I know some people will say things like "Oh, I probably won't win." but secretly they have some hope that they will win. I had none of that this year. Not one single ounce of hope whatsoever.

2. Do not research anything on anyone more than 3-4 days before the draft. I wasn't lying when I said things were hectic for me at this time of the year. While I watched the preseason games, I didn't really soak them in. Besides, most team starters only play in the pre-seaon for a total of fifteen minutes. Nothing is worse than being the recipient of a season ending injury in the pre-season. Just ask Tony Romo or Teddy Bridgewater. It's not good.

3. In a panic, 2 days before the draft, print the Fantasy Rankings list from Bleacher Report, ESPN, HGTV or any source really. Then, during down time at work, color code the players based on position. Do this because you have some pretty sweet highlighters in your desk that you seldom get to use. Also, spill some coffee or soda on your list so it looks like you have been studying it for months. This will intimidate your opponents. Or it won't.

4. Don't get drunk on draft day. I was dead sober when I drafted my team this year. Last time that happened was never. Hmmmmm.....maybe we are legitimately on to something here people.

5. Draft a few suspended players early in the draft. Hell, draft a suspended player with your first pick. F@ck it. Go big or go home right? Not only was my first pick suspended, he was also a pride pick. I was slated to pick 8th in the draft. There was no way in hell I was letting anyone else have Le'Veon Bell after me if he was available when my turn rolled around. Turns out, picks 1-7 did not want him, so #8 took him. Why? LB is a monster points earner, especially against weak defenses. I wasn't looking at the first 3 games of the season, I was looking at the entire season. I knew what I was doing. Of course my competitors laughed and laughed and laughed at my first round pick but.........who is laughing now? The Champion is laughing now. That's who!!

6. Pick Matt Ryan as your quarterback. I know. I know. A- A-Ron Rodgers, Drew Brees, Cam Newton, Tom Brady (whom I took fifth round for my second suspended player), Andrew Luck.....blah, blah, blah. Everyone always has a hard on for these guys. Rightfully so too. They can be big point earners but.....don't always drink the Kool Aid. Sometimes it is good to think outside the box. Tom Brady rode my bench most of the season because Ryan was throwing up some sick numbers. Matt Ryan finished 2nd in QB fantasy points for the season right behind Discount Double Check. And to think, I chose Ryan as my back up QB. Thank god I did.

7. Draft a player who was cut from their team because you did not do your research. Just kidding!! Don't do that. For real. It's not good. Picking up a star player that is suspended for a few games is one thing. Picking up a player who was cut by their team is mucho risky. ( I may have accidentally drafted a running back that was cut from their team. Ooops! That's what happens when a Steelers fan picks a Ravens player. Karma.)

8. Balance your first several draft picks among the positions you need. Historically, I tend to go heavy on drafting running backs for my first several picks. Often times that leaves me with shitty wide receivers and an average tight end because all the good ones were taken while I drafted my 800 running backs. This year I forced myself to take 2 wide receivers before picking all four of my running backs. (In the PA Boyz league you are allowed a total of 4 running backs. 2 as your starters and 2 on your bench. Thank god too cuz I kid you not, in my family league, I sometimes have 8 running backs on my roster since I allow for two flex positions.)

9. Don't mess with your team too much. Dropping and adding players is a beautiful thing, for injured or inactive players. Changing half your line up on a week to week basis is not good. Trust me. I would dismantle perfectly good teams just because a few of my players would have a bad week or two. In turn, I would add players that had their one breakout week, the week before, only to never be heard from again. In the meantime, the perfectly decent players I had dropped, were picked up by one of my competitors, leaving me shit out of luck.

You need to have some patience. Game dynamics change from week to week. Your star wide receiver may have double coverage against him one week but be wide open the following week against another team. This year, I think I may have dropped/added 4 players total. I pretty much just worked with what I had. Turns out, what I had was good enough to win me a Championship.

10. Finally, don't place all your focus on having the best record in the league. Again. Doing that could lead to you dismantling a perfectly consistent and decent team. Yes, we want to win all of our games but realistically, as long as you win enough to get into the playoffs don't get tunnel vision. Our greatest strengths can also be our biggest weaknesses. I suggest studying each of your opponents' teams on a week to week basis in addition to your own.

Adjust your starters and bench accordingly. Bottom line, we have little control over the outcomes of the actual NFL games. I have seen sure things fizzle and dark horses prevail. Like I mentioned above, Tom Brady rode my bench most of the season because my dark horse, Matt Ryan, played against teams that gave him more opportunities to put up big numbers. Tom won all but one of his actual games, but Matt won in terms of Fantasy points.

So....this is how I won. I hope it helps.

At the end of the day it feels good to be a Champion. I have had the pleasure of being in some great leagues with intelligent, savvy and ultra cool players. The laughs are priceless. This was a hard earned victory for me as I came into the playoffs ranked fifth. I was a Wild Card in a league with very smart competitors. I promise to spend my year as the reigning Champion with honor, respect and pride. If anyone wants to pay me to travel and give motivational speeches to other leagues, I am down with that too. Hawaii I'm sure has some Fantasy Leagues. LMAO!