A Free Spirit's Bucket List: #1 Attend A Pittsburgh Steelers Game Part IX: Game Time

"Here We Go Steelers, Here We Go!!!!" - Steeler Nation

Game time.

All this talk of Johnny Football. Blah blah blah. Puke City. Whatev. I'm so over it.
The city of Pittsburgh was a little nicer about Johnny coming to town than I was. They did welcome the rookie to the most awesome Heinz Field. In fact, a dude outside the stadium was even selling "Welcome To Pittsburgh" Johnny Football T-shirts for $15. That's a steal! How nice. Right?

See Exhibit A below:

Welcome to The Burgh J.F.
Does the F. stand for Football or Fucker.
I'm not gonna say. You figure it out. :)

Heinz Field Security, however, was not as amused by the welcome committee's gesture of welcoming. They were not permitting people to enter the stadium wearing these types of shirts. Oh snap! Game over. Or is it? Obviously, this guy hid his "FU J.F". shirt under another shirt, kinda like the shirt before the shirt. Fight the power and all that good shit! Get on with your bad self bro.

Honestly, I get it. Much respect to Heinz Field for showing good sportsmanship. It's one of the reasons I love them. And, it gave us Black and Gold fans a good chuckle. Who doesn't love a good chuckle at the opposing team's expense right? As a Steelers fan, I know we are right up there with the Dallas Cowboy fans as one of the most hated teams in the history of the entire world. We hear plenty of "jokes" from "haters", I mean "fans", of other teams. It goes with the territory. Fuck you very much. :)

It's all fun and games kids. Calm down.

Anyway, Johnny Football will be pacing the sidelines for this game as far as we know. Brian Hoyer will start. Who will finish the game is the real million dollar question? Hoyer? Manziel? The dude sitting behind me dressed like a dog? I mean it is Cleveland and knowing their fetish for Quarterbacks, they may already start going over possible 2015 draft picks by halftime, depending on Hoyer, Manziel and the dude dressed like a dog's on field performance. Just sayin...
(12 different starting QBs since 2000.)
(The upcoming 2015 season will bring that number to 13.)
Big Ben is definitely starting for the Steelers so that is good.

First Half:

Go Steelers!!

Here we go Steelers, Here we ....W.T.F!!!!!
Shocker. The first drive by the Steelers was typical Steelers style. SMH.

Before I go any further, let me just say, as far as die hard Steelers fans go, we will always love and cheer for our team no matter what. But.... sometimes, just sometimes, our beloved team initiates the very painful phenomena which I will term the Steeler Nation Trifecta.

This trifecta starts with the inevitable face palm. You may not even realize you are face palming at first. It just sort of happens. Also, holding your head in your hands while feeling the urge to crawl into the fetal position on the corner of the couch counts as an "onset"symptom.
The Face Palm/Fetal Position affliction in turn provokes a 5-10 minutes continuous spew of profanity and obscenity which will most definitely scare small children and the elderly and... probably everyone else in a 5 block radius around you. If the cops show up at your house, that most likely means Roger Goodell is going to fine James Harrison 25k for your trashy mouth.
Finally, the vulgar fest will ultimately trigger the severe abuse of alcohol. The vigorous chugging of any type alcohol within arms reach including but not limited to gin, some really cheap, nasty, South American wine and the remaining warm sips of backwash beer at the bottom of the cans piling up on the table signifies you have completed the final stage of the trifecta.

Note: You will probably complete several trifectas during the game but not to worry. Usually by the fourth go round, you have already lost count and are mostly likely bonding with your toilet due to very high blood pressure and alcohol poisoning. You may even forget there was ever a game on TV because you are too busy snuggling and spooning with your porcelain god. (Porcelain goddess if you are a guy.) Hey, sometimes toilets need a little love and attention too.

One other thing, there is also an extremely severe "five-fecta" some of us Black and Gold fans suffer from on particularly bad game days but I won't even get into the emotional eating or the flying projectiles. That is very personal and private and I don't really like to talk about those dark times in my life. We all have skeletons in our closet. Some of us have a whole graveyard. I do not judge.

What a view!!

Now that we have cleared that up, let's get back to the Steelers opening drive. It was so awesome. Ben drives the offense down the field and they score a TOUCHDOWN! Oh yeah....

Then out of nowhere, these yellow flags started flying on the field. Please be against Cleveland. Please be against Cleveland. Prayers were not answered. It was against the Steelers. An offensive holding call cost them the touchdown. It was coming back. It's all good. They got this. Here we go Steelers, Here we....S.O.B!!! Ben is on his back. Only took two minutes into the 2014 season for him to get sacked. He is definitely on pace to be the proud owner of the most sacked QB in NFL history title. (Epic sarcasm right here.)

Suisham has to come in to save the drive and get 3 on the board. On a side note, it pisses me off that kickers don't get the kudos they deserve in the league. Kickers determine so many winning outcomes in many, many games throughout the year. You bet your ass they are a real athletes. There are a lot of teams that should be kissing the ground their kicker walks on because the championship banners and flags hanging in their stadium are there because of their kicker. Seriously, how many divisional, conference and league championships came down to a field goal? A lot! Go Kickers! Rock on!

Troy takes the field.

The Steelers D! Great first half!

Look! They are smiling at me!! :)

Of course the next drive Cleveland also got a field goal. Fuckers!! I may have yelled that too. Long hair, don't care and all that other terminology I see the younger kids posting on social media. I can use it too. Whatev. I chugged my piss warm beer. (Trifecta #1 in the books 3 minutes into the game. It's not a record but it is close. The 2013 Steelers home opener against the Titans holds that record. )

I was roasting and mad and decided it was time to take the Bettis jersey off. I had my dress underneath so I shoved my jersey in my cute plastic Steelers bag. I felt much better.. for a little while. I noticed Becky was getting a sunglasses tan already. Poor Becks. She didn't care either. She was having a blast talking to her new friends and watching the game.

The Steelers came back on the field and Ben got the first interception of his season out of the way. Let's not go for any other records of that sort Ben. Pretty please. Prayers were answered this time. The Steelers went on to romp Cleveland's ass in the first half.

Steelers O-Line taking the field.

Drive that ball Ben!

One of the AB scoring drives.

AB is downfield. HEATH!!!

Oh look....Le'Veon is catching balls? I'm still mad at him for his preseason doobie-fest with Blunt, also spelled " Blount", but that's pretty cool that he catches passes from Ben and doesn't drop them. Touchdown!! Then another Touchdown! Go AB!! Mike Wallace who? Emmanuel Sanders who? AB got this! The stadium is going nuts. Towels are waving. Everyone is on their feet. This is so awesome.

It was during the second quarter that I suddenly had this weird flashback to a beloved 80's movie. It was totally out of the blue. Some of you may have heard of this 80's movie. It's called the Karate Kid and it stars Pat Morita as Mr. Miyagi and Ralph Macchio as Daniel aka the "Karate Kid". Yea... it is an unfortunate accident that Lanning got kicked in the head by Antonio. The unnecessary roughness call was complete BS though. Haters are going to insist AB did it on purpose but he most certainly did not. I saw it with my own eyes.

AB was flying down the field at mach 10 and it honestly looked like #5 was going to the ground. AB was going to jump over him. Players do sometimes jump over other players in NFL games. It happens. It's part of the game. If AB would have tried to put on the brakes when he realized the kicker was not going down, I think it would have caused a much worse injury to both AB and Lanning. But....whatever. Hater gonna hate. It did make for some funny memes and humor in the social media.

We did it Mr. Miyagi!

AB impressed me even further when he did some massive blocking Ala #86 Hines Ward for Le'Veon Bell as Bell charged to the end zone Ala #36 Jerome Bettis and flipped over the goal line for the TD. I may have yelled something along the lines of "Bell ran that in like he was running from the cops.". Yea...I totally yelled that. I also yelled to Becky that Bell did a fancy flip, like seven times. I was so excited that he did a flip. First AB's rendition of the Karate Kid's crane and then Bell pulling an Ozzie Smith and flipping over the goal line. This was just too much fun and excitement for me to keep inside. I had to let it out.

I got a few laughs from the fans around me over my excitement. I was also no longer angry with Bell. We were good again. He was so impressive. Who knew just how impressive he would end up being the entire season. The trio of Ben, Bell and Brown were going to rock the NFL world in the weeks to come with their awesome offensive skills. I was so happy to see the beginning. I was also debating whether or not to lose my jeans at halftime and untie my dress to make it a dress again rather than a shirt.

Not my pic. But it is so damned awesome!

I had just gone down those steps at the end of the first quarter to get a water and a "free" refill on Becky's soda. (They kept forgetting to take the "one free refill" sticker off her cup so we got like 5 free refills. I just went to different people each time. We totally got our $8.00's worth.) I wasn't sure I wanted to make the trek down those steps again. Plus it was going to be very crowded at halftime. The line into the ladies room was probably going to be a mile long.

Last time I was down there, people were illegally smoking cigarettes. No one was bothering them because there were literally 50 people lit up in the landing by the steps. I could really use a cigarette. Maybe if I rebel and have a smoke with the other rule breakers, the lines will decrease by the time I am ready to go to the ladies room to take off my jeans and adjust my dress.

As halftime was called, I decided to do it. I was feeling good. I was feeling arrogant. I was bragging that the Steelers knew I was finally at the mothership and they were providing me with a blow out of a game to impress me further. The Queen has arrived. Yea... we will get to that later. As I walked to the concession area I was totally right. It was super packed. It took me almost ten minutes to get by the other smokers. I realized I was going to miss a good part of the third quarter just making my way through the crowds and lines. Crap!

One or five free refills depending.

I had my smoke with the other rule breakers. I got pissed when I saw a younger Browns fan come running out of the one stairwell from the seats. It was obvious he had soda thrown at him. Half of his white shirt was stained cola brown and was soaked. His buddy, who was a Steelers fan, was flipping out next to him and yelling for security. That shit just pisses me off. There really is no call for that. We are all here to enjoy a game. We all payed a lot of money to see this game. There is no reason to throw soda at someone just because they are a Browns fan. Hell if anyone should have soda thrown at them it should be the guys in the Cortland Finnegan and RGIII jerseys. Just kidding. Even they don't deserve that.

Both guys disappear into the crowd. I finish my smoke. I can hear the third quarter starting. Dammit! ( I am actually glad I missed part of the third quarter. Cleveland started romping on my boys.) I head to the ladies room. The lines are not bad since there are a million stalls. I hop in a stall, remove my jeans and adjust my dress in a record five seconds then head over to the soda stand for another "free" refill. As soon as I step into the air, I feel so much better. My hair is still soaked in sweat as is my dress but over all I feel incredible.

Second Half:

Go Black and Gold!!

So, as I make my way back to my seat, the air that was inflating my ego begins to slowly deflate. As I get to my seat and look at the scoreboard, my mouth drops. I look at Becky. She is like, yep, they just got two touchdowns. "They" being Cleveland. The score is now 27-17. It just gets worse. Our defense it tired. They do not look good. Troy makes a few good defensive plays but the penalties, especially the infractions caused by Ike Taylor, are not helping the cause.

The Steelers O-Line is also failing. I kid you not, I am screaming and cursing at Ben to get it together. I may be 7 miles above #7 but I know he heard me scream "Where the fuck are you throwing that?" and "Do I have to come down on the goddamned field? " I feel like I am in my house yelling at my TV while feverishly typing out my feelings on Facebook for all of social media to see. Did they forget I was here? Did they forget their #1 fan was present in the stadium. I wasn't in my seat for the beginning of the third quarter so my good mojo that was flowing down to my boys was totally interrupted. I am so mad at myself. I swear I will not leave my seat again!

The crowd has become quite somber in Heinz Field. I look up at the scoreboard. It is showing scores from the other NFL games going on right now. Becky and I are both in shock when we see the Eagles game score. Jacksonville is kicking their ass? Really? What the hell is going on with the Pennsylvania teams today? This isn't right. Becky isn't happy with her Birds either. I feel her pain. So not cool! I start toying with the strings on my plastic pop poms.

Ben and Heath. Miller time!

In the fourth quarter it is now all tied up. 27-27. The Steelers have scored nada in the second half of the game. As for the defense, Lawrence Timmons seemed to be the only one to remember there was a second half to the game today. He was the only one on the field making any kind of plays. Well, except Ike Taylor. He was still racking up those penalties like a boss. At least he was showing some signs of life. Even Troy was looking defeated. I swear to god if my first Steelers game is a 1 in the "L" column, I will be sooooooooooooo hurt and upset.

And hello Mr. Roethlisburger??? You are 17-1 against the Browns. Don't do this to me. (As of this blog, he is 18-2 now against the Browns.) 4 sacks already? Sighs. I sit in my chair sulking for a bit. That is when the jalapeno covered in nacho sauce comes flying over my head from behind, lands on me then proceeds to slide down my chest in to my bra. WTF??? Where the hell did that come from? I immediately turn around and give dog boy the stink eye. He saw it happen and swears it wasn't him. A couple of rows up from me, two male STEELER fans are looking at me. One waves. I am so tempted to flip them off but instead I just turn around and curse them under my breath. Jerks!

Probably another Ike Taylor Penalty. Shocker!

While I am digging the jalapeno out of my cleavage with a napkin, pride shot, ego deflated, Becky starts doing Fly Eagles Fly cheers with her pom poms. I can't help but laugh. I love my silly friend. It also seems like the Steelers D has finally woken up from their slumber. William Gay shuts down Hoyer. Steelers ball! Let's do this. As I am watching this final Steelers drive, I am standing up again waving my towel and my pom poms. No, this is not a blow out like we thought it was going to be.

It has turned into one of those nail biting AFC North divisional games that I really do love. Yea, I feel like popping Xanax after one of those games but they are so awesome to watch. The AFC North is arguably one of the most competitive and toughest divisions in the NFL. No matter how crappy Cleveland's record is, they do give it their all in these divisional games. This time, their all, was enough to tie and possibly win the game.

However, Ben has the ball with a few minutes left. I have watched almost every single NFL Ben has ever played. Ben is not only a great clutch Quarterback, I have seen him do magic on the field with under a minute to go, but, he is also really good with managing the clock. Let's hope he keeps this drive going long enough to get the clock down and put them in Suisham's range with no time left for Cleveland to do anything.

Steeler Nation is on their feet. The crowd goes crazy with every first down. Terrible towels are in the air in full force. It is so loud in the stadium. Granted, it will never be as loud as it was in 3 Rivers, the acoustics there were insane, you could tell just by the hearing the crowd on TV back in the day, but it was extremely loud right now. I am screaming. I am a nervous wreck. I look over and see an Eagles fan and a Jets fan both going nuts with excitement. Becky is screaming and cheering and waving her pom poms. The Jets fan is yelling and screaming and waving his pom poms.

What???

This is so great!! You know what? This is exactly what I wanted. The energy is the stadium is even more powerful and exhilarating than it was during the first half. It is insane. I am ready to jump out of my skin as is every other Steeler fan. Every time the O-Line moves the ball forward, The stadium erupts. I am looking at the clock. My nerves are tweaked. Ben hurls it to Wheaton. Wheaton catches it but does not get out of bounds. I do not remember if Ben spiked it or if he called a time out. By now my brain is in over drive.

All I know is Suisham and the Field Goal unit are now on the field. I am holding my breath. No shanks please. The ball is snapped; Suisham foot sends the ball sailing threw the air........it is good!!! Steelers win the game!!! My first ever Steelers game is a win!!!! The crowd is off the hook. The stadium is pulsating with the cheers and screams of Steeler Nation. It is one of the coolest things I have ever experienced in my life. I am so glad it went down this way. I saw a really good, ages old, divisional rivalry play hard today. Both teams dominated a half.

Cleveland is no joke this year. Hoyer played a hell of a game. Of course my tune may have been slightly different had the Steelers lost. I would still give kudos to Cleveland but would have been super mad at my boys. I am glad I can walk out of Heinz Field not mad at my boys. Also, I confess, a part of me wanted to see the game go into overtime because I honestly did not want this moment to end, but I am glad it went down the way it did because I am not sure my nerves could have handled the overtime. LOL!

I look around the stadium. Players, coaches and the media are on the field. Fans are slowly starting to file out of their seats and down the stairs. Becky is saying her goodbyes to her new friends. They were such a fun bunch to be around. I turn and stare at the Superbowl championship flags flying in the air at the top of the stadium. The smile on my face is so huge. The sky is so blue. I could not have asked for a better day. This truly was one of the best days of my life.